@Contwixt: Love is a can of soda. Open it up too fast & it explodes all over you. Take too long, it goes flat. But no matter what you should recycle.
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@briancthayer: Wife: Could you be dehydrated? Me: Of course not. W: How much water have you had? Me: Two coffees & a bourbon. W: Wow. Me: Told you.
@shutupmikeginn: Astronauts are cowards, why don't you stay down here and face earth's problems like a man
@TinaraMinus10: A handsome man came up to me today & said "Hi what's your name?" I said "You on Twitter?" He said "No" We're getting married on Monday!