@JermHimselfish: I got everyone a pet snake for Christmas but you have to catch it, they're in my house, they're everywhere, please come get your snake.

@AubrieWynn88: Eiffel tower

@NYC_Blonde: I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through.

@pumpkin_horse: *cries over spilt milk* *cries under spilt milk* *cries adjacent to spilt milk* *cries immediately to the left of spilt milk* *cries diagona

@notacroc: [First ever Snail Olympics that started 350 million years ago] Millennial snail announcer: oh shit here they come