@yoyoha: Love is patient. Love is kind. Love has never been in a relationship apparently.
@kumailn: Did you know: Wi-Fi is short for "wireless fireless." Pre-wi-fi all internet was fire based. Firewall, firewire, "fire up the computer" etc.
@Kendragarden: My parents let me watch Grease constantly when I was a kid & then they were all, whoa why is our teenager always super drunk in tight pants?
@me_all_over: Roses are red, so is my wine.
Refill my glass and I'll be just fine.
@tigersgoroooar: just saw a church sign that says, “santa claus never died for anyone.” and i’m like, “okay well jesus never brought me a barbie dreamhouse.”
@carlyken: "Mom, what does married mean?"
Taking naps together
"Daddy naps with his secretary are they married?"
No, that means he's getting divorced