@Reverend_Scott: Love is that feeling you get when you meet that special someone who hates all of your friends.
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@TheSwanDon: So my dad was all "stop eating my pills" and then I was like "stop melting into the floor and spinning multi colored webs you talking lamp"
@SardonicTart: 10: Mom what's a metaphor? Me: My life is a train wreck. 10: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?
@VaguelyFunnyDan: Need expensive surgery? Tell a surgeon you're auditioning a few before picking one. Have them do the surgery then say "OK I'll let you know"
@AlisonAgosti: If Jesus died for our sins then why are there so many popups when i try to watch a movie online illegally