@hadafewbeers: Love it when moms refer to kids by age in tweets. "6 fell down today". Wonder if the kids do the opposite at school: "33 is drunk again".
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@SatansTongue: (Selling my soul) Just sign here and here "I should have a lawyer read this" *a million lawyers crawl through hell* We have plenty of those
@DzNutz83: Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
@Brampersandon_: I have a very particular set of skills *puts down phone* *sounds of a struggle* *yells* Ok you can't see this but I'm totally doing the worm
@weinerdog4life: Last Halloween I had to explain to everyone that I was not a ghost with a boner, but I was just a ghost and I happened to have a boner.