@hadafewbeers: Love it when moms refer to kids by age in tweets. "6 fell down today". Wonder if the kids do the opposite at school: "33 is drunk again".
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@tastefactory: BEN CARSON: On the news I saw a portal to another dimension open & robots came out, we need to stop that MODERATOR:That was The Avengers sir
@TheTweetOfGod: People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
@AtticusFinch79: Me: Babe, can you zip this for me? Him: That's an inflatable sumo suit. Me: I'm flying United today. Him: Don't forget your helmet.
@LoveNLunchmeat: 80% of being Donald Trump is just worrying that the wind will blow your weird combover in the wrong direction.