@timdonakowski: Love restaurants that put ice cubes in their urinals. Makes me think the ice is a bank vault and my pee is a laser.
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@Instinctivetip: [marriage counselling] Her: he always thinks he's talking to me on CB radio Me: I don't, over Her: It's over Me: It's what? Over
@JoParkerBear: Donald Trump is probably the closest we'll ever get to electing Eric Cartman president.
@c_always_wright: high school was the free trial version of college. “if you wish to continue your education you can buy the complete pack for $50,000”
@KentWGraham: We didn’t have child safety seats when I was young. My dad would put a couple of us in the trunk if it meant not taking two cars.