@timdonakowski: Love restaurants that put ice cubes in their urinals. Makes me think the ice is a bank vault and my pee is a laser.
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@panmidwest: COP: I need to see some ID ME: [hands him ID] COP: this isn't yours ME: you said "some" COP: lol wow good point you're free to go
@junejuly12: Nothing scarier than a server who takes multiple orders without writing anything down.
@Faux_Ma: He told me I cut my steak like a serial killer, so I whispered "What makes you think this is steak?" While I stroked his thigh with a knife.