@timdonakowski: Love restaurants that put ice cubes in their urinals. Makes me think the ice is a bank vault and my pee is a laser.
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@ArfMeasures: DOCTOR: Your baby seems a bit sluggish SNAIL WIFE: Oh no HUSBAND: *thinks about their slug neighbour* I KNEW IT
@RexHuppke: God, grant me the serenity to yell at immigrant children, the courage to still say I'm a Christian, and the ignorance to not get the irony.
@ClichedOut: ME: we have a problem, karen invited us to a coldplay concert HER: nice i love coldplay ME: ok we have two problems