@iGreenMonk: Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
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@poutinesmoothie: I like to sing Mambo No. 5 but replace the names of the women with various types of cheese.
@patnspankme: Great way to make friends is to pee in the same urinal someone else is already using.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 3 year old is helping me make crepes this morning. So far in the mixing bowl there are 2 eggs, 1 cup of flour and 1 measuring cup.
@3sunzzz: 4yo: Do you want to play pretend? Me: I already am. 4yo: What pretend? Me: Shh, you're not here.