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@refinedrednec: Love yourself.
But, not in public.
@Duke1173: They ordered two extra large pizzas at work.
I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
@just1fool: Every time you reach under the couch for something a giant spider must choose whether or not to give up its secure location.
@SteveSuckington: Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
@daddyville: I like the word "panties" so much I'm going to start using it in place of "cool." Friend: Check out my new car! Me: Oh man, that's panties.
@ValeeGrrl: [House Hunters episode]
HUSBAND: I'm a freelance hamster trainer
WIFE: And I tune harmonicas part-time
HUSBAND: Our budget is $950K