@iRowlf: Lowe's banned me for yelling "From the windows! To the walls! To the sweat drop down my balls!", as I explained how much carpet I needed.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@causticbob: Today. I. Realized. That. Typing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Stronger. It. Makes. You. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has. Asthma
@annaetuck: Congratulations, everyone who saw me and my kids at the mall today. That's the cheapest birth control you will ever have.
@AGStr8upNinja: If I had the power to control people's minds like Professor Xavier I'd probably just make them get me snacks.