@iRowlf: Lowe's banned me for yelling "From the windows! To the walls! To the sweat drop down my balls!", as I explained how much carpet I needed.
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@wittwitbarista: Ever notice how pathetically lonely you are when the person in the next bathroom stall completely ignores your knock knock joke?
@Shock_Monster: Me: That the new iPhone? Him: Yup! The 5S! Me: What's the difference? Him: The C stands for "Cheap" Me: What about the S? Him: "'Spensive"
@Chicken_Hawk38: All i'm saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
@Donna_McCoy: "I hate seeing you like this," she thought every time she encountered anyone over the course of the day.