@dance_blessed: Lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk.
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@SomthinBoutSara: Just watched a guy in a shirt that read "Jedi I am" trip on a curb and fall. Jedi you are not sir
@daemonic3: Tried to make jokes on this plane about the other passengers' carryon bags, but they went over their heads
@XplodingUnicorn: [looking at an old pic of me and my wife in college] Me: Wow, you used to be hot Wife: *death glare* Me: ...but not as hot as you are now
@DaddyJew: I talk a lot of shit for someone who still says "righty tighty lefty loosy" before turning anything