@dance_blessed: Lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk.
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@daveexplosm: The problem with having a large imagination is that you can imagine your friends naked. Now you're doing it too.
@envydatropic: I print everything at work because I'm not a multimillionaire who has a printer with ink at home
@Darlainky: Instead of asking "Are you still watching?" Netflix just said "Hey, pace yourself, we're almost out of shows."
@Mr_Kapowski: Guarantees in life 1. Death 2. A waitress will ask how everything is while your mouth is full but never be around when you need a refill