@JohnLyonTweets: Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We've never met before, right?
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@AudreyPorne: Winter sex: "Let's do this". *slowly takes off all three pairs of rugby socks, wipes nose, continues to take off more socks*
@PantsDonkey: 1:5 people in the world are Chinese. My family has 5 people so its either my mom, dad, brother Colin or Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Colin
@markleggett: I'm disappointed to see that a lot of women are using "period tracker apps" now, instead of the shared Google spreadsheet I set up.
@SortaBad: Ok No Loitering sign, let's get one thing straight: the type of people who loiter are not the type of people who know what loitering means.