@JohnLyonTweets: Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We've never met before, right?
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@TheMichaelRock: Only attractive people that get laid all the time troll people on the internet. Everybody knows that.
@jtrulez: To successfully fight a bear, strike it firmly in the sternum with an open palm. Congratulations. You are now fighting a bear.
@MiddleageM: Skyped my dad today and had a great conversation with his forehead and nose hairs...