@MissSassy_Pants: Murderer: What are you in for? Her: Licking ice cream. Murderer: That had better be a euphemism.

@: While editing, I was trying to write: "maybe this should be in bold, for emphasis", and instead wrote "in blood". Still works!

@ashmensch: *entire building at my work loses power* *I run all the way to Linda's office* Remember when you said light up shoes were a dumb idea?

@GoldenSpirals: Ask a man if he's critiquing your work... Men Who Are Dating say: No, & compliment you. Single Men say: Yes Married Men: Try to hide

@the_moonface: Maybe if we start smacking people when they say something stupid, evolution will eventually create a delay between thinking and speaking.