@_Aynne_: My favorite thing to say when a man offers me a drink is, "Of course I'll have another...I AM drinking for two, after all!"

@timdonakowski: Pee your name in the snow and you'll quickly understand why they teach cursive in our schools.

@DaddyJew: Listening to coworkers try and explain Fight Club to another coworker and all I could think was "we really shouldn't be talking about this".

@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: You're very immature. Me: You're very observant.

@Tups13: When people tell me to get my act together I have to explain that this is not an act, I really am this incompetent.