@duplicitron: Mail some pirates a treasure map leading to the exact spot where you need a hole dug for a tree.
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@shariv67: Tonight I'm going to be naughty and tie my man to the bed. Then I'll make him watch a Golden Girls marathon while I eat the left over pizza.
@JP_theAntiHero: Cat: who? Me: what? Cat: when? Me: where? Cat: how? Me: Cat: we need a life Me: we Cat: well Im dead and ur talkin to me so more you Me:
@JihadPizza: Youtube is the only place where you'll find people arguing about religion in the comments of a snowboarding video.
@Parkerlawyer: Client, "I should have known this marriage was going to fail when he hid my engagement ring in a gas station taquito."