@duplicitron: Mail some pirates a treasure map leading to the exact spot where you need a hole dug for a tree.
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@fro_vo: Friend Who I Haven't Seen in a While: your kid's gotten so big! what is he, four? Me: i have no idea what he's for
@lazerdoov: I wanna be rich enough to have 11 midgets who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast
@chris_witha_see: Mom, your tweets are mostly outdated pop culture references "yeah and I woulda gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids"