@crissles: "mainstream" = "white people found out"
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@iamburtjarvis: [radioshack meeting] employee: sir, overall sales are really low. CEO: when did we start selling overalls, bro?
@jonnysun: ME: woud u be open to adoption? HUSBAND: yes [later, at the adoption agency] ME: yes hi, i'd like to put my husband up for adoption
@KeetPotato: [reading message i found in a bottle that drifted onto the beach] to myself: "updog.. what's updog?" [another bottle hits my foot]
@LuckoftheDraw86: "You can't stand there." "Not there, either." "Nope that spot's taken, too." -Ground hogs