@sunexplode: Make a birthday wish for mutant lung power then blow away your cake, your party guests, your house, car, trees, etc.
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@eedrk: you remember me as the guy who put his arm in the doorway to hold open the automatic door for you in 2009. welll, now i need a favor
@michaelcoren: I sympathize with those who fear that sex ed will sexualize kids. Our youngest studied WWI on a Monday; by Friday he'd invaded Belgium.
@flashember: *wakes up in a forest grove surrounded by deer* ME:[nervous] are u the good deer or the evil deer? (i see one deer holding up a classic copy of Bambi on VHS) ME:[sigh of relief] *deer breaks VHS in half* ME:*gasps* oh no
@EyeSeeYou619: I do a spot-on impersonation of Linda Blair in The Exorcist whenever a drive-thru cashier asks me to pull ahead bc my order isn't ready.