@sunexplode: Make a birthday wish for mutant lung power then blow away your cake, your party guests, your house, car, trees, etc.
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@704919828: Apparently googling "how to get suspended with pay" from my work computer is frowned on by my employer.
@TitansHomer: Wife: What's the Harlem shake? Me: I don't know, I think they sell them at Burger King?
@buttgh0st: COP: can anybody else describe the suspect? JOHN LENNON: he got feet down below his knees COP: anybody