@sunexplode: Make a birthday wish for mutant lung power then blow away your cake, your party guests, your house, car, trees, etc.
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@AnOrangeSNES: "Jesus take the wheel!" I shout, but Jesus decided to pop out of the sunroof firing a machine gun at our pursuers instead.
@Rollinintheseat: A facial recognition program, but one that matches your Tupperware container to its lid.
@TheTweetOfGod: My favorite word in the English language is “Amen” because when I hear it I know you’re finally done asking Me for stupid shit.
@duplicitron: I choose what country to visit each year by the shape of the first chicken nugget I eat.