@sunexplode: Make a birthday wish for mutant lung power then blow away your cake, your party guests, your house, car, trees, etc.
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@david8hughes: [bday party] Mum: happy birthday son Me: wow that's a huge cake! Mum: its full of bees Me: what Mum [backing away]: I said it's cream cheese
@MsMosman: Blocked a someone with "Social Media Specialist | Online Reputation Manager" in their bio just to mess with their head. And it's douchy.
@ceejoyner: Throw a baby badger so high that when it lands on your enemy it's fully grown and very upset. You left town years ago. The perfect crime.
@jwoodham: Just heard a dad threaten to spank his screaming son "in front of the world." Stand your ground, kid. There's no way he has that technology.