@okay_andi: Make sure to make eye contact with the hottest person in the room as you stuff a burrito into your mouth
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@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: Why don't you chat with us in the kitchenette in the morning? Me: Because I'm not paid to be your friend & you say kitchenette.
@bluntphilip: Adding the word "farmhouse" to a table or piece of furniture allows you to charge $1000 for it.
@Jamie1947: In my youth, there was no "snapschapts". If you liked a young lady, you'd draw a proper picture of your genitals and send it to her parents.
@TheAlexNevil: 7 barges into bathroom while I'm showering, laughs & says "I saw your peanut." He either mispronounced a word or made a hurtful observation.