@Sarcasticsapien: Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
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@DanMentos: judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison my lawyer: your honor my client respectfully requests a year be added to his sentence
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Where's the dog? *flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.
@Underchilde: The scariest thing about the Cold War was the threat of getting stuck inside a bunker with your spouse.