@Sassafrantz: Making a grocery list after 8 beers is awesome because the next morning I get to wonder why I need 7000 bags of pizza rolls.
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@Breadery: I've spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she's a woodpecker.
@TeaPainUSA: Conservatives say the problem is Christianity ain't taught in schools. The real problem is Christianity ain't taught in church.
@MartaEffing: I paid 4 the lady in front of me @ Starbucks. She hugged me. Deciding when it's the right time 2 tell her I hit her car in the parking lot.