@celticrose2312: Man at garage: "Are you claiming this off your own insurance?" Me: "Yes. I don't think the deer I hit had any insurance."
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars Me: That’d wreck the economy 5: I just- Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation
@david8hughes: Time traveller: I'm from the future Me: prove it *he pulls out next weeks newspaper* Me: nice try, they've already invented newspapers
@LynneMcCarthy: Please do not wear flip flops if your feet look like you could sweep down & snatch your dinner while it's still running through the forrest
@brockwilbur: My fav sci-fi this year is the Bank of America ad where the 30 year old dude with a new baby has $56k in his checking account.