@celticrose2312: Man at garage: "Are you claiming this off your own insurance?" Me: "Yes. I don't think the deer I hit had any insurance."
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@NewDadNotes: Me: hey I just sent a girl I like an unsolicited picture of my d- Roommate: OMG NO Me: -og and it totally worked! We are going out tomorrow night!
@causticbob: I went to a fortune teller and he told me a lot of money was coming my way. I walked out really excited, then I got hit by a Securicor van.
@lmwortho: I think if a trained monkey could drive a car, cook & give out money, my kids wouldn't notice it wasn't me. I need a monkey.