@celticrose2312: Man at garage: "Are you claiming this off your own insurance?" Me: "Yes. I don't think the deer I hit had any insurance."
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@robfee: I would watch a reality show that's nothing but goth kids trying not to smile while riding on a jet ski.
@AnOrangeSNES: *Walking with wife listening to Dust In The Wind* Me: This is our song. *A dude walks by listening to it* Me: That's OUR song! GIVE IT BACK!
@GaryJanetti: Before you tell me anything about your kid you should know I'm going to mentally leave my body.
@shadygeekdad: Guys, when a woman is mad just tell her she's overreacting. She'll realize you're right and calm right down.