@BreadFoster: Man buns: Because girls want the convenience of a guy who always has a hair tie.
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@shot_of_cabo: I realized she might be too young when I asked her the time.. And she said.. "The big hand is on the...."
@jonnysun: sitting is bad for u, but the standing desk is all wrong. i present to u… *unveils computer hanging from ceiling with a bed underneath it*
@Paxochka: Sometimes you look at an ex and think maybe they're not so bad. And then they start to talk and remind you why you hate them.
@KenJennings: I bet a lot of people have tried that "See you next year!" joke at the end of December but got proven wrong by dying in a DUI.