@ColorMeScradd: MAN!! My boss is always all "Blah blah blah!", "You're late!", and "Get me more pictures of Spiderman!!"
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@MakesYouGiggle: Dear people with resolutions, Please bring all your unwanted.. bread, junk food, soda, drugs, and alcohol to my house. Thanks.
@flashember: WIFE: Every time I get close, I get hurt. THERAPIST: Is this true? PORCUPINE HUSBAND: *bristles* OF COURSE IT'S TRUE I'M A BALL OF NEEDLES
@mynameisntdave: If you want your dog to take a pill: 1. Get a piece of cheese 2. Eat the cheese for energy 3. Get ready to wrestle your dog