@TheTweetOfGod: Man shall not live on bread alone. Yet it is easy to forget this at restaurants and end up full before the appetizer.
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@EndhooS: "How did you get those scars?" [Flashback to me running into a glass door] They're from Cage fighting.
@mydaughtersarmy: The horror and trauma of explaining homosexuality to a child, as told by an internet mom.
@Tmoney68: The biggest lie in advertising is someone taking a bite of a hard shell taco & it not immediately exploding in their hands.