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@PinkCamoTO: Mantra at the gym:
When the zombies come, cardio will matter.
@simoncholland: [sitting at a table]
Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across.
Me: crosses out and writes new number
@LostCatDog: It's a comfort knowing Dad is looking down on me, but we should probably cut his hang-glider out of that tree one of these days.
@E_lok44: Keep your friends' cake
and your enemies' cake.
@NicestHippo: "You're sure you understand stock trading?"
"Then why (holds up card) did you trade our Google shares for a Charizard?"
@BertCarrillo: *muttered from inside a bear*
"Go hiking," they said.