@IGotsSmarts: Many rastafarian babies are born out of dreadlock.
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@thepunningman: [hospital] "I'm afraid it's bad news. Your husband will never walk again" "Oh God, he's paralysed?" "No, someone's bought him rollerblades"
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "What's your greatest weakness?" I'm always hungry "That's not what I-" *takes out a cake* Also, I don't like to share
@PyrBliss: The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that's not a risk I'm willing to take.