@JT_IV_: Mario and Luigi fight to the death, in "The Plunger Games".
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@OfficialMizGin: My mom when I was a kid: “Never talk to strangers.” “Never get in their cars.” Me to my future kids: “Here’s how to order an Uber.”
@causticbob: The kidnapper rang and said "£10,000 and you get your wife back" "Negotiate with him!" advised the policeman "£20,000 and she's all yours"
@WarrenHolstein: Having a traditional Columbus Day. Headed to a casino to hand out blankets with smallpox on them.
@mackswift: Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have snacks in your purse.