@lecalabara: Mario: I killed all your turtle troops.Bowser: Turtle what?Mario: All the turtles that work for you.Bowser: What turtles?Mario: Uh oh...
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@MrFornicator: I've opened a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
@carlyken: Anne Boleyn: My love, I wait for but one word from you Henry VIII: New phone who dis Anne: Your wife Henry VIII: Lol which one
@joeljeffrey: Crude oil is the worst kind of oil because it says offensive things while it pollutes the water and ruins our planet.
@EndhooS: Wife: he's always confusing sayings... Therapist: what if you're just misinterpreting him? Me: oooh, check you out playing devil's avocado