@njlitigator: Mark Zuckerberg I know you are a new parent but it's way more fun to tell children you are giving away their inheritance when they are teens
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@Xoolun: These Jehovah's Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
@AndyAsAdjective: How was your day? -You know in Die Hard when he runs barefoot over broken glass? That bad? -Oh no. It's just a cool scene. My day was decent
@haleysfalling: so people are okay with batman wearing a cape but when i do it i "need to put my hospital gown on the right way"
@GrabTheWEness: I lost 30 lbs, and did it without exercising or changing my diet! Ask me how. Not right now, though. I'm waiting for my meth dealer to call.