@KentWGraham: My wife gives me the speaking treatment.

@dksc4life: I walk in the kitchen and see a note on the refrigerator. "The kids and I are leaving you. I want a divorce." Shocked, I break down in tears, wondering where it all went wrong. The husband is crying too, at which point I realize I'm in the wrong house.

@blood_orphan:

@Ophoenix1: I've been watching the Crime Investigation channel all day. Murder just seems like the easiest way to solve your problems.

@markleggett: When your parents held you as a baby for the first time, they secretly hoped you'd end up arguing with strangers on a celebrity's Instagram.