@ZiggyMcFuknuget: Marriage: Betting someone half your shit that you'll love them forever.
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@curlymalloy: My boyfriend wakes me up when he wants to have sex... Do I wake him up when I want to buy shoes???... No!!!
@lawbsterfest: Kevin, children are allowed to order pizzas. You don't have to make the delivery guy think he's being shot at by gangsters. For christ sake.
@Book_Krazy: I secretly replaced my husbands coffee with the empty toilet paper roll he left in the bathroom. Let's see if he notices.
@MartaEffing: *runs my fingers thru your hair* *tightens grip* *pulls your head back* *looks you in the eye* Me: WTF do you mean you ate the last donut?