@TheAlexNevil: Marriage is about understanding what irritates your spouse and using it strategically.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: [Batman at McDonald's] What's your chicken sandwich called? -A McChicken And the rib? -A McRib [pulls out his batwallet] I like your style.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *gets all four daughters dressed* Wife: I want everyone in Christmas dresses. Me: But- Wife: Everyone. Me: Fine. *puts on my dress*
@Book_Krazy: [Pours goldfish into aquarium] You're free now "Mom? You know those are just crackers, right?"
@jctwritesstuff: Judging from my reflection in the mirror this morning, I too should not be fed after midnight.