@_troyjohnson: Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SteveSuckington: [talking to family after emergency surgery] Your positive energy saved my life Surgeon: *waves hand* umm hello
@jordan_stratton: Well, when we ordered nachos, you ate all the ones in the middle with the most cheese, but no... I have no idea who set your car on fire.
@HiddenPinky: "If you were a spy and having drinks at a spy bar, what would you want?" "I could tell you, bud, I'd have tequila."