@LurkAtHomeMom: Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you're interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn't our lawn ever look that nice?"
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@TheresNoGodzila: *gets on 1 knee* Me: I know we haven't known each other for a long time, but will you marry me? Her: Please get off my knee
@theNuzzy: Facebook: Adele is such an inspiration. Instagram: Adele looking beautiful in her gown. Twitter: Adele sounds like a chimney sweeper.
@_odlanyeR: I still think my biggest regret is asking a girl out, and replying "me too" after she told me she had a boyfriend
@therealeatwood: [Biker gang] ME: Do we or do we not ride our bikes at the same speed? BIKER: OK, but you need to stop saying we “synchronize our cycles.”