@LurkAtHomeMom: Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you're interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn't our lawn ever look that nice?"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bridger_w: OK, Gravity wasn't very realistic. First of all, and I checked this, Sandra Bullock -- not an astronaut
@PJTLynch: Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman... Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but- A: No, she pooped on the rug again. Right next to the litter box!
@aka_fatman: *puts seashell up to ear* Me: I think I can hear the ocea- Seashell: Seven days. You will die in seven days. Me: (to friend) It's for you.
@Prof_Hinkley: I was doing CPR on a co-worker for 5 minutes before someone told me that's just how she laughs