@TankCesar: Marriage: when hanging out goes way too far.
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@SilleVio: I don't like to brag about my cat-like reflexes. That said, could someone please call for help? I got startled and am stuck in a tree.
@Reverend_Scott: JUDGE: I find you guilty of murder. Sentenced to life. LAWYER: But it was only 20 minutes of murder. JUDGE: Oh, then you're free to go.
@shutupmikeginn: Banned from Yelp for including "the rat seems to be vulnerable to attacks from behind or when adjusting mask" in my Chuck E Cheese review
@GaryJanetti: Next season on Game of Thrones they're actually going to come to your house and start killing the people watching.