@KevinFarzad: Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@GrantTanaka: When someone asks me how my day is, I like to say "Still kinda pissed about Hiroshima," & then start swearing in Japanese.
@jazmasta: [speaking to a guy who looks nothing like Ed Sheeran] "Hey man, do people ever say you look like Ed Sheeran?" "No" "Didn't think so"
@LogicLaughs: That awkward moment you have long eye contact with someone who's really attractive, only cause it's too hard to walk away from the mirror.