@longwall26: May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
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@_notyourmom_: My 13 year old doesn't speak when she picks up the phone. She just listens and hangs up. I think she's going to be a hitman someday.
@TheMichaelRock: Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas? Me: drugs. Mall Santa *whispers* meet me in the food court in 20 minutes.