@sammyrhodes: Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
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@vineyille: Day 20. Still lost at sea. Crew thinks I know how to plot a course with a protractor. I just like making it walk on the map. Pointy Leg Man.
@robotmouthfarts: [Half of my body is already in the anaconda] "Is this a date? This feels like a date."
@jackie_ibbyxo: If you yell Bloody Mary into a mirror 3 times at 3AM, as loud as you can, your mom will appear and tell you to shut up and go to bed.
@Barknado69: Friend: just make small talk *later, on date* Me: so...grains of sand Her: uh yea- Me: dwarves Her: are u okay- Me: bottle caps