@sammyrhodes: Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
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@SamGrittner: I celebrate International Women's Day by visiting my local CVS and torching all their 'JUST FOR MEN' products while screaming: "NOT TODAY!"
@1_swarthy_dude: Astrophysicists still struggling to explain the Big Bang Theory: "It's a corny show! We just don't get it!" said one astrophysicist.
@VikeeysSecret: Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.