@sammyrhodes: Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
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@GavinProbably: Said "large" today at Starbucks, and everyone starting chanting "Venti, Venti, Venti!" and a mass suicide occurred.
@HomeProbably: I gave my son an iPhone for Christmas and I haven’t seen him since. Parenting is easy.
@MissNaughty1801: Him: you are correcting my every word for the last six years of our marriage Me: for the last 7 years