@lazerdoov: Maybe Gotye was an actual goat that sold it's soul for the chance to be a human with a hit song and now he is back to just being a goat
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@bobbiejo448: This Xanax script says I should take one daily as needed but I'm pretty sure they meant per child so, including the dogs, that makes five.
@TheAlexNevil: “WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW?” -the first person to drink coffee
@PondHockeyPro: My mom won't stop calling the turkey baster "the squirter" and I can't keep it together.
@slooberbie: One of my wishes in life is to run across the Pacific Ocean in an air tight giant hamster ball.
@honeybadgerMel: Forgive me, for I have sinned. Same time tomorrow?
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