@AsToldByNithya: Maybe if I swallow enough magnets I'll become attractive.
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@msdanifernandez: Game Show Host: if you were stranded on an island with no people, what-- Me: omg yes
@novicefather: I found three french fries inside my $1 McDouble. Dream big, kids. Anything is possible.
@GrantTanaka: 1: ‘Twas the night before xmas, & all thru the house Dad was trashed on Grey Goose, mom spilled merlot on her blouse
@SirEviscerate: Me: I'm having a problem with my computer: IT guy: Have you tried punching it? Me: That's the first thing I tried. I'm not an idiot.