@beisswrandon: Maybe Jesus went black, and that's why he isn't coming back.
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@novicefather: I found three french fries inside my $1 McDouble. Dream big, kids. Anything is possible.
@Sal0630: Sorry I pissed on the walls of your bathroom, but the flowery wall paper made me think I was outside.. Also you're out of Valium
@iLikeCatShirts: Me [to my friends]: No one ever invites Gary out because he always has some strange contraption. *Gary pole vaults past us*