@WeissBrandon: Maybe Jesus went black, and that's why he isn't coming back.
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@funnybeachgirl: What's white & falls from the sky? "The coming of the Lord." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ...please enjoy this tweet. I'm going to hell.
@jnapsalot: I don’t understand why an ear infection exam requires me to get undressed. I’d find a new veterinarian but my dog really likes this dr.
@Adar79Angie: If your Dad leaves, just act like you're installing a new screen door. All the Dads of the neighborhood will gather round. Pick your new Dad
@ilovepie84: "LET MY PEEPHOLE GO!" -Moses when the cops found the peephole he installed in the Womens washroom.