@WeissBrandon: Maybe Jesus went black, and that's why he isn't coming back.
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@Thedudish: My neighbor's dog is so popular that every time he barks, the neighborhood dogs RT him.
@squirrel74wkgn: [tearing off our clothes] Her: I want you. Take off your shoes. *kicks flip-flop through her TV*
@WritePlay: SIRI: Brian, what goes "blah blah blah, I don't know anything, please help me"? ME: Uhh SIRI: It's you. That's what you sound like.