@robdelaney: Maybe Van Gogh cut his ear off because someone traveled back in time and whispered a Drake song in it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SamuelHLowe: - I'd like to make a reservation. - Name? - Matthew McConaughey. - Can you spell that for me? - No.
@panmidwest: [business trip] ME: i forgot my charger COWORKER: you should invest in a spare to keep in your bag ME: i forgot all 4 of my chargers
@notacroc: [date] HER: the last guy i went out with was as boring as a sack of potatoes ME: [gets up from table] my son is a potato