@scarebro: Maybe your parents told you a watched pot never boils so you wouldn't go around sticking your face near boiling water, idiot.
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@nachosarah: hey guys maybe girls are so cold all the time because you make us shave off all our hair
@david8hughes: POLICE! OPEN UP, WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE. WELL, WE DON'T KNOW BUT WE'RE KINDA HOPING YOU ARE COS IT WAS A LONG DRIVE & JIM NEEDS TO PEE.
@T_N_Crumpets: Wife: Are you crying in there? Me crying: NO! W: have you been eating cheese again? *opens door* Me with mousetrap stuck to lips: NO
@Dutch_50: Went to dinner with a recovering alcoholic vegan who just quit smoking. Everything entering or leaving my mouth was offensive #WorstDateEver