@scarebro: Maybe your parents told you a watched pot never boils so you wouldn't go around sticking your face near boiling water, idiot.
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@LeBearGirdle: *Good Will Hunting* Professor: are you the janitor who's been solving the math equations? me: [writing '80085' on every chalkboard] yes?
@tastefactory: COP: We have reports of u blasting music. ME: Sorry I'll keep the Metallica down COP: We were told it was Britney Spears "Lucky." On repeat.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Check out that car. It has 400 horses. 5-year-old: Where does all the poop go?