@scarebro: Maybe your parents told you a watched pot never boils so you wouldn't go around sticking your face near boiling water, idiot.
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@BrassBallsCJ: All these girls tweeting about going braless & I'm just over here on my back trying not to look like I have 2 bald guys in a headlock.
@Reverend_Scott: Before you reply to a tweet, take a deep breath. Now hold it. Hold it... Hold it.... Hold it... Keep holding it... Die.
@noog: [5 year old tugs on pant leg] Daddy if time stops at the speed of light then photons aren't actually moving, so is everything we see a lie?
@Tommytoughstuff: "Hello welcome to meteorologist school. Please stick your head out of the nearest window and pick your diploma up on your way out."