@gorrdano: McDonalds employees get so cranky when you perform the entire dance routine to Britney Spear's "I'm a slave for you" before ordering.
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@PJTLynch: Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman... Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but- A: No, she pooped on the rug again. Right next to the litter box!
@GrantTanaka: Nice Confederate flag bro, way to commemorate coming in second place in a civil war.
@doktorj: "Vintage designer purses are not a retirement plan," says my accountant while rubbing his temples.