@gorrdano: McDonalds employees get so cranky when you perform the entire dance routine to Britney Spear's "I'm a slave for you" before ordering.
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@courtneyno: The light above my desk is going out. I feel like I've been at a really boring rave for the last 7 hours.
@AlanHungover: No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don't Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
@DirtMcTurd: 6: Dad what's a Kardashian? Me: Nobody really knows... 6: Sounds really stupid Me: I love you
@shesananteater: Boss: Where'd you go?? Me: I got all the way up front and realized I forgot my pen. Boss: Okay? Me: So I went to lunch.