@JoshVeyssi: McDonalds should have a 3rd window where you can trade in the wrong stuff that they gave you at the 2nd window.
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@iGreenMonk: Once upon a time, a horse & a giraffe met & fell in love. Going against all the odds, they got married & that's how we have camels.
@Mr_Kapowski: [kissing] Wife: *breathy whisper* Do you want to take my shirt off? Me: *breathy whisper* I'm not wearing your shirt
@david8hughes: [first day as tour guide in New York] Me: that's the Statue of Liberty Guy: what is she clutching Me [awkward long pause]: all the liberty
@smelbz: The worst part of going on a date with a guy I don't like is how my grandma always dies before our food gets there.