@AnimalSavages: Me as a dad
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@briancthayer: Hamburglar search history: • sentence for stealing burgers • do inmates get burgers • what is prison "beef" • countries that don't extradite
@MaladjustedMind: Dating is like playing musical chairs. Somewhere between 25&30 the music stopped& everyone grabbed a husband. I must've been in the bathroom
@Book_Krazy: Me: Hi. Can I help you? Him: I'm here about the wanted ad for the one night stand Me: Great. Where is it? Him: What? Me: The nightstand.