@JohnLyonTweets: Me at dinner on a first date: I'm not answering any more questions without a lawyer.
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@hippieswordfish: *bank* 'miss, it says here that your debt is outstanding' *twirls hair* oh yeah? well i think your debt is pretty cool too
@NicCageMatch: I accidentally killed another cactus & now one of my plants is trying to grow towards the phone to call 911.
@dave_cactus: DAD: Hugh, please. It's a perfectly fine name. Stop complaining. HUGH J'DISAPPOINTMENT: It's not my first name I'm upset about.
@ohen39: me: I'm gonna spend valentine's day alone doctor: no you're not me: *blushing* are you asking me out? doctor: no. you're dying