@JohnLyonTweets: Me at dinner on a first date: I'm not answering any more questions without a lawyer.
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@CynthiaJEllis: News: Ireland has now legalized ecstasy, meth, and mushrooms due to an unexpected legal loophole. In other news: I have a plane to catch.
@actioncookbook: USERS: you're alienating the people who actually use your product TWITTER: likes are now florps USERS: what TWITTER: timeline goes sideways
@CulturedRuffian: INCORRECT PUNCTUATION STARTS FIGHTS: Happy April Fools!!! VS. Happy April, Fools!!!
@AndyAsAdjective: [kidnapped & trapped in trunk] *hot wires rear blinker lights to communicate with other cars via Morse code* "I…am…a…vegan"