@VerifiedDrunk: Me- Can I borrow a screwdriver? Neighbor- Phillips or regular? Me- Grey Goose and Tropicana
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SuchaDumbWorld: To my American friends: On Sunday, don't forget to set your clocks back one hour. On Tuesday, try not to set your country back 50 years.
@RexHuppke: My wife said the infinity scarf I got her is too small and I said: "That's mathematically impossible." Anyhoo, we're divorced now.
@DaddyJew: Your mom doesn't understand Your dad doesn't understand Your friends don't understand But french fries, french fries understand you