@EJGomez: me: can i have a coke
waiter: is Pepsi ok?
me: ya pepsi's fine
pepsi: i have a boyfriend
@Faux_Ma: He told me I cut my steak like a serial killer, so I whispered "What makes you think this is steak?" While I stroked his thigh with a knife.
@Douchekevin: Girlfriend told me she wants me to pull her hair , but apparently not while she's driving. Girls are weird.
@jazmasta: "I feel like a failure, doc. I've got 5 boys and they ALL work as hotel valets"
"Wow this is the worst case of parking sons I've ever seen!"
@Fred_Delicious: [2 dogs eating dinner]
"u know Sharon, that life insurance policy u found me is great"
"why does this taste like chocolate"
@kylekinane: Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we'd still be talking about how we're not finding that airplane.