@EJGomez: me: can i have a coke
waiter: is Pepsi ok?
me: ya pepsi's fine
pepsi: i have a boyfriend
@wickedimproper: Who called it a vasectomy and not a cull de sack?
@The_Troy_Show: Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
@causticbob: I hate it when people say "Oh, I'm a vegetarian except for fish".
Yeah? And I'm a non-smoker except for cigarettes. #WorldVeganDay
@why_vann: My boss just asked me why I wasn't working.. ..i told em cuz I didn't see him coming
@whytruy: Obama: joe can you please explain all the cheetos that are in the kitchen
Biden: I didn't want Trump to feel-