@AimeeHelene1: *spider falls on my desk* *pulls fire alarm* *stands in hallway & points firefighters toward my desk*

@mompsychologist: Me:"If you ever give me another gift with 'some assembly required', you're dead to us." 6:*writing thank you card* But, um.. Me: Write it!

@Tmoney68: How much for the giant, walk-in medicine cabinet? "Sir, this is a liquor store."

@anerdonfire2: It turns out that you can only spray so many people down with Febreze before they fire you as a Wal Mart greeter.

@IamEnidColeslaw: Girls, get your abortions NOW in case the Republicans win