@bobvulfov: ME: does this apartment have a pizza cellar
REALTOR: again, i dont know what that is
@_NinJar: 1st rule of snitch club is d-
"MIKE BROKE THE 1ST RULE!"
"JIM BROKE THE 3RD RULE!"
Who called the cops
@Parentpains: Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
@anerdonfire2: The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
@Meh_Tweetz: bought 30 treadmills & placed them around the perimeter of house, when zombies attack my house they will just keep walking for days
@crunchenhanced: Men's underwear should be called "manhole covers"