@NoChillPosts: ME EVERY WEEK OF SCHOOL
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@sad_tree: [crime show] DETECTIVE: It looks like the guy that inserts dramatic music into our show has been.. *Flintstones theme song plays* Murdered
@itsa_talia: my cat sounds so cute when he sneezes but i really wish he'd stop wasting the coke. it's like goddamn amateur hour with him.
@iGreenMonk: It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
@darrinfb: To the 11 year old girl on FB with the relationship status "it's complicated" How can it be complicated? Did he take your animal crackers?