@NoChillPosts: ME EVERY WEEK OF SCHOOL
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@gigglegirlnoel: If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
@Marlebean: Boss: Staff meeting at 3:00. Me: I can't come, I'm allergic. Boss: But we're not serving food. Me: ... yeah now I really can't come.
@caperbc75: "Can I help you find something?" I'm looking for the perfect diamond for my wife that says "sorry I cheated on you in your dream last nite"